Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Randomize
