Yo dont text me then not text me
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
