two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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