wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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