I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
