There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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