What a fucking waste of an outfit
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
People in love make me want to vomit
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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