Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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