Need sex. Gaining weight.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
my being single is dangerous.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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