sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
This house was built for laser tag.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize