He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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