Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
