if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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