I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Randomize
