We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
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