i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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