Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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