how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
