I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
