so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
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