I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize