guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
