a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
