you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
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