I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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