I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
