Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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