FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
MIDGETS
????
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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