I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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