Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
