we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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