A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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