I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize