my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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