just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
