I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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