the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
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