sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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