I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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