I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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