sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
