ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
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