i permit you to call me
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
