ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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