We should be called the Road Head Warriors
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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