JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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