Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
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