i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
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