I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
