you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
In other news, I just burned my penis
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
