Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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