he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
