Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
