she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
