did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
