Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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