Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
