i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Randomize