a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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