I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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