Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
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