Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
