Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
