I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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