I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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