I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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