You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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