I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
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