Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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