So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
The Olympian is in my bed
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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