He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
