Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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