take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Randomize
