I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
