cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
