Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
we're chasing vodka with high fives
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
