i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
