Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
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