The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Randomize
