hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
