So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
