she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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