somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
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