also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
this just has baby written all over it
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
