I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
